“Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all.” ~ Dale Carnegie
How to Win Friends and Influence People, published in 1947, became a best seller and is one of the most famous self-help books. Every day we communicate with different people - friends, family, partners, colleagues and strangers. Taking the time to learn some good social skills will go a long way in learning how to make friends and influence people.
BENEFITS:
1. Get you out of a mental rut, gives you new thoughts, new visions, new
ambitions.
2. Enable you to make friends quickly and easily.
3. Increase your popularity
4. Help you to win people by your way of thinking.
5. Increase your influence, your prestige, your ability to get things done.
6. Enable you to win new clients, new customers.
7. Increase your earning power.
8. Make you a better salesman, a better executive.
9. Help you to handle complaints, avoid arguments, keep your human contacts
smooth and pleasant.
10. Make you a better speaker, a more entertaining conversationalist.
11. Make the principles of psychology easy for you to apply in your daily
contacts.
12. Help you to arouse enthusiasm among your associates.
LESSON 1: YOU
CAN'T WIN AN ARGUMENT!Carnegie has been involved in and observed thousands of arguments. He came to the conclusion that to get the best out of an argument one should avoid it altogether. Nine times out of ten, an argument ends with each person being more convinced that they’re absolutely right. Even if they are wrong, if you win an argument, you actually lose. Why? Well, because you’ve made the other person feel inferior and hurt their sense of pride. Ask yourself, is it really worth your time and energy trying to win an argument, when all it will give you is nothing but a temporary sense of victory in exchange for making the other person feel like crap?
Wayne is a
woodchopper. Carl is a builder. Wayne specializes in oak wood and Carl in pine
wood. One day, Carl ordered some oak wood from Wayne. Upon inspecting the oak
wood, Carl was frustrated with its poor quality and wasn't willing to pay for
it. But Wayne noticed his quality inspection was too strict and was
misinterpreting how to assess the quality of oak wood. He knew Carl was wrong.
Now most people would be tempted to say, “Carl, mate, you're bloody wrong!” But
not Wayne. Instead, he began asking questions as to why the oak wood was not of
high quality? He emphasized that he was only asking so that he could give Carl
exactly what he wanted for future orders. He approached the situation in a
friendly and cooperative manner. Eventually, Carl's attitude changed. He soon
admitted he was not experienced with oak wood and began asking Wayne questions.
He finally understood that it was his fault for making poor judgements about
the quality of the wood. Carl ended up happily paying for the wood.
Now that's the
power of never telling someone they're wrong. Feel free to try this out in your
own life. I'm confident you will notice that people respond much more
positively to you when you don't tell them they're wrong.
It makes people
want to cooperate with you. If you want your roommate to help you do the
dishes, you will likely get a more positive response if you say: “Hey Clarence,
could you please give me a hand with the dishes?” instead of “Hey Clarence, do
the dishes with me now”. Framing your request as a question rather than a
demand makes Clarence feel like he has a choice and therefore will be more
responsive to your requests.
Andrew Carnegie,
one of the richest men in history understood the importance of names as a child. He had a nest of pet rabbits but no food to feed them. He told the boys in the
neighborhood that if they would go out and get enough dandelions to feed the
rabbits, he would name the bunnies in their honor! The plan worked. He used the
same principle in business. A man named Pullman and himself were fighting
against each other trying to get the sleeping car business to work during a
meeting. One evening, Andrew suggested that they merge companies and work
together. Pullman listened intently and then asked, what would you call the new
company? Andrew responded: Why? The Pullman Palace Car Company, of course!
Pullman's face brightened and he said: come into my room let's talk it over.
When I first met
Amy, she told me her name but I didn't hear her properly. I asked her to say it
again. And even a third time during class. The longer you leave it, the more
awkward it becomes. You might feel embarrassed about asking more than once but
realise that people appreciate it when you take the time to learn their name. I
remember randomly talking to a man in my class named Tom. Next week I came in
and I said: “Hey Tom, how are you doing?” and he said: “Wow, I'm surprised you
remembered my name.”
If there was just
one lesson you could take away from this book this would be it. I really
struggle to talk to new people. It doesn't matter if we have nothing in common
because I talk about their interest. In one of my first conversations with Amy,
I asked her a simple question, “What do you like to do in your spare time?” She
said “I listen to music randomly, sing and dance, draw, do arts stuff, try to
keep fit, watch movies and funny TV shows, I read, I cook, I play with my pets
and spend time with my family and friends. I followed her up with another
simple question, “Okay, so what do you read and what do you draw?” Amy got
excited after a long outburst of sharing her interests. She said, “I'm getting
way too excited talking about this. No one ever gets to know me this way so I
have this all bottled up. It's so awesome talking about my passions so thanks
for listening to me.” We get along so well now and have been great friends
since. It doesn't matter whether you're talking to your boss, workmates, teachers,
friends, family, or strangers. Talk in terms of other people's interests and
they'll love you for it.
CONCLUSION:
How to win friends
and influence people by Dale Carnegie is one of the most influential
self-development books ever written. Dale Carnegie explains the principles that
can make you more influential. The book is broken down into different sections
explaining how to become a better leader as well as how to become more
likeable. It includes historical examples as well as examples from its application
in business as well as life in general. There's a reason why this book is so
referred. It has a simple message and it's laid out in a way that makes it easy
for the reader to read and comprehend. I found myself continuously highlighting
and taking notes whilst reading. I encourage readers to do the same it is. A
book that you can regularly revisit to refresh some of the ideas to serve as.
Some inspiration this book has a potential to impact the life of anyone who
reads it for that reason!